


The Notice Board

by Chesture



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Good lord that's a lot of fucking characters, Summoner is self insert, i'll update this whenever i write enough new notices to constitute another chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 11:15:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14669955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chesture/pseuds/Chesture
Summary: The Order of Heroes needs a way to get information out to all of its members. What better way than a notice board?There are probably a lot of better ways, actually.Inspired by "Things Shade's Order of Heroes is Not Allowed to Do Anymore."





	The Notice Board

###### Notice

Attention all Heroes: The royal reserve of Orbs has been exhausted. From this point forth, Orbs are legally a commodity, and the Order of Heroes reserves the right to seize any and all Orbs in the possession of Heroes.  
_(If you find any, please bring them to me. There's a new banner and I'm desperate. -Chesture)_

###### Notice

Addendum to the previous notice: Badges, Sacred Coins, Hero Feathers, Refining Stones, and Divine Dew are also subject to this rule.  
_(Please. This benefits you guys as well. You want better weapons, right? Better seals? Yeah! Of course you do! -Chesture)_

###### Notice

Please refrain from asking the Summoner for promotions. Promoting a Hero is a lengthy and costly process, and should not be taken lightly.  
_(Guys, I shouldn't have to say this. If you want to be promoted, there has to be a good reason for me to promote you. -Chesture)_

###### Notice

Please do not mock your fellow Heroes for any reason regarding their role within the Order. Heroes are assigned according to what they do best.  
_(Leif did not bench Ike. Stop making fun of him. -Chesture)_

###### Notice

Do not ogle your fellow Heroes, regardless of what they are wearing.  
_(Seriously, people? Half of them don't even wear that shit by choice. This goes for the guys and the girls. -Chesture)_

Okay, I'm getting tired of the formalities. When did it ever become okay to round up duplicate Heroes just to make them uncomfortable? I am officially ordering everyone to leave the Abels, the Draugs, all of the Whitewings, the Raighs, the Bartres, the Sophias, the Eliwoods, the Florinas, the Stahls, and ESPECIALLY the Roys and the Tikis alone.

-Chesture

Please stop spreading rumors about merging and skill inheritance. None of them are true and people are looking at me funny now.

-Chesture

Since so many of you keep asking me about the references I make and what the things I say mean, I'm setting up a computer with limited Internet access in the common room. Everyone is required to complete a basic "safe Internet usage and computer etiquette" course with me before they are allowed to use it. Yes, I WILL know if you use it without permission!

-Chesture

By popular demand, I am also installing a TV and a Playstation 4 in the common room. Everyone's allowed to watch the TV, but you have to complete a course with me on that too if you want to operate it. Same goes for the PS4.

-Chesture

I guess we're making direct callouts now. Robin, please stop trying to magically construct yourself a Persona for "academic purposes." It's...it's not going to work.

-Chesture

Whoever the fuck discovered the term loli, report to my quarters immediately. Bring Leo with you.

-Chesture

The use of proxies and VPNs to get around the restrictions I've put on the public computer is strictly forbidden. They're there for a reason. If you're responsible and informed enough that these restrictions aren't necessary for you, speak to me and we'll see about getting you a personal computer. (Leo, how the fuck did you even do that? The thing's only been there for a month.) Additionally, the term loli is now banned in reference to other Heroes.

-Chesture

While I am typically all for innovation and new ideas, I'm afraid I'm going to have to strongly discourage the use of electronics in and for spellcasting. Quite frankly, none of you know enough about them to do anything besides fry them, and they're not disposable. Your personal devices are exempt from this rule, but they are your responsibility. If you break them, it's gonna be on you to earn a replacement. Exemptions will occasionally be made if it was obviously not your fault.

-Chesture

~~Somebody please teach Nino how to read. It's not fair that she can't use the computer or the TV for that reason alone and I don't have time to help her.~~

-Chesture

Nevermind. I caved.

Following the arrival of certain individuals that are, ah, "at odds" with most of humanity in their home worlds, I feel the need to remind you that while you're here you all have the same goal and you need to get along. You don't have to play nice, but please refrain from attacking each other and don't try to drive wedges between other Heroes.

-Chesture

Please stop with the "hammer down" jokes. Reinhardt got put on repair duty ONE TIME and you all go and do this. I've gotten at least two headaches from this already.

-Chesture

Chesture doesn't know how to have fun.

-Gaius

That is NOT the intended use of the notice board!

-Chesture

Not to worry; I have a permit.

I can do what I want. -Gaius

Everyone, please disregard the "Bathroom Cleaning" section of the current chore schedule. Gaius, the magnanimous man he is, has volunteered to do that himself for the rest of the week.

-Chesture

After the previous notice, I feel that I should clarify. It's not against the rules to write on the notice board, but it's here for significant announcements and other messages that everyone needs to see. Not for jokes.

-Chesture

Please do not attempt to use magic to recreate video game mechanics in reality. This is too many layers of meta and I will not stand for it.

-Chesture

Some of you have expressed interest in anime. In order for any of you to actually understand some animes and experience them properly, I would have to explain a lot of shit. I will be posting a list of pre-approved animes that anyone can watch by the common room computer. If you want to watch one that's not on the list, talk to me first.

-Chesture

Don't read Homestuck. Just...don't. Don't even try. You won't understand a word of it.

-Chesture

I guess weekly movie nights are a thing now? Attendance is recommended but not mandatory. If you plan on showing up (It's on Friday), vote for the movie you want by writing the name on a ticket and putting it in the ballot box on the podium. Only one vote per person, please.

-Chesture

A hooded figure in a long white coat with a golden trim stands in front of the podium. It's Friday night. He's holding a small box with the lid removed. On the podium in front of him, an assortment of small slips of paper are scattered about. A gathering of Heroes stands in the hall, watching him with anticipation. He levels an exasperated gaze at them and sighs.

" _Every single one of you_ voted for a different movie. As such, the decision falls to me." He gets a chorus of murmurs and sighs in response. "Unfortunately for you all, I don't watch movies. Like, ever. So we're going to default to the movies everyone should at least know about: Star Wars."

Any and all magically constructed lightsabers will be confiscated upon discovery. No, you cannot keep them on the grounds of "combat utility," it's a fucking lightsaber. You're more liable to kill yourself with it than anyone else. Any lightsabers discovered after tomorrow at midnight will delay the next movie night by one week.

-Chesture


End file.
